Interesting Group Meeting

Last night, I went to a group meeting for aspergers. It was a little different from the others, in that there was a guest speaker who also has aspergers. He was teaching us how to pass as neurotypicals. He did three scenarios - two with one of the regulars, and one with the group moderator, my counselor. With each scenario, he first did it the wrong way, the way an aspie would do it, and then he would do it the neurotypical way.

We each got to see how he acted as a typical aspie, asking personal questions and doing a lot of TMI, inappropriate touching and eye contact, and often ignoring the other person's signals that he was invading her personal space. I saw how awkward and creepy the whole scenario was. It was rather cringe-inducing, and I may have behaved like that when I was younger, partly because of my aspergers and partly due to poor eyesight and lack of glasses.

The second part of each scenario, he did everything right - maintaining comfortable distance, making good eye contact, keeping conversation appropriate, etc. It looked so right, and this is kinda how I chat with people in public places these days. I tend to watch myself and apologize if I jabber too much, especially if it's about certain subjects, and I want to keep alert so I don't offend the person I'm talking to.

It kinda reminded me of that show "Snog, Marry, Avoid?" where the people are shown how to dress appropriately. For aspies, it's not always about dress, but more about behaviour, because we can be so blind to how our behaviour makes others feel. We can act rude or creepy without knowing it, but when we find out, we usually are very horrified and apologetic.

I think that all children - especially those on the autistic spectrum - should be shown various scenarios concerning this kind of etiquette so they will know how certain behaviour is seen from someone else's eyes. Aspies tend to be very clumsy with social stuff because we lack social empathy; no, it's not that we don't care, but it's that we don't know. We need a pair of 'glasses' so we know how to act.

For me, the Encyclopedia Dramatica was a real eye-opener, and seeing certain awkward and creepy interactions on videos, in real life, or on chat logs has helped me understand how others would see typical aspie behaviour. Back when I was younger, we didn't have these tools. Often, others would think that we were behaving like this on purpose just to make them uncomfortable, but now we have the tools to help us at least 'pass' as neurotypicals.

If you or someone you know has aspergers, look up some videos showing how not to interact, and then show appropriate interactions. The rules may seem kind of silly, but following them can go a long way to help improve your social life. I wish these teaching tools were available when I was much younger.